Heaven forbid! Adultery in the privacy of your own home?

In a statement sure to shock lawmakers everywhere, Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania reminded America that if the Supreme Court decides that citizens have the right to consensual gay sex in their own home, it could lead to people thinking that it is perfectly acceptable to engage in adultery in your own home as well.

No, seriously, that's not too far off from what he raelly said. Here's his quote from an Associated Press interview published on Monday:

"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual (gay) sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything."

Sen. Santorum seems to be missing a few points in making his statement, not the least of which is that places where adultery is illegal in America are few and far between (indeed, if any even still exist).

Personally, I consider adultery to be one of the more grevious actions one can commit. I do not approve of it, I would not tolerate it from my husband, nor would I engage in it personally, and I tend to be a bit judgemental of people who do. But as morally wrong as I may think adultery is, I also recognize that, except in the case of my own marriage, my opinion on adultery counts for exactly squat.

In comparing homosexuality to bigamy, polygamy, incest and adultery, Santorum seems to be missing the point that these things are not always truly comparable.

In most cases of bigamy, for example, only the bigamist knows what's going on. As with adultery, it's most common that each of adulterer or bigamist's additional partners are completely in the dark about the existence of the others, and the adulterer/bigamist stays busy trying to keep juggling without dropping any of the balls. The main feature that adultery and bigamy have in common which makes both of them objectionable to many people is that they are based on deception.

With incest and polygamy, what you are typically looking at is exploitation. Incest involves one family member taking advantage of the trust given to them by another - usually younger - family member and abusing that trust to gain sexual gratification. Polygamy, as it is most often thought of, generally features a man who gathers to himself many wives, frequently several years younger than himself, and, in some cases, the younger sisters or daughters of earlier wives. As with incest, the perpetrator takes advantage of the naivete and trust that the younger girls have and turns it to his own goal of gathering multiple sex partners that he can have a fair amount of control over.*

Consensual gay sex, however, is neither decitful nor exploitave. In fact, aside from the gender of the partners, it's very much like heterosexual sex. Sure, you can have gay relationships that involve deceit or exploitation, just as you can have strait relationships that have those same qualities - but those qualities are not what defines the nature of a gay relationship. And just as my opinions on adultery don't count for anything outside my own relationship, people's opinions on homosexuality shouldn't carry any weight outside of their own relationship, either.

It's one thing to speak out about situations in which people are being exploited or manipulated without their knowledge or against their will - but if everyone involved in the relationship is aware of exactly what is going on, is capable of giving their consent and has voluntarily and freely done so, then why should it be any of my business how or what they do -- and why should it be any of Senator Santorum's business, either?

*(Note: There are other, non-exploitive, forms of polygamy that are seen from time to time, which I may write more about later. These relationship groups are significantly different, however, in that they are made of consenting adults who are well aware of what they are getting into, and generally do not involve one dominant person manipulating younger or more vulnerable partners for their own gain.)

Posted by thorswitch at April 21, 2003 11:31 PM | TrackBack