Pointed "news" from the Onion

The following "News Brief" is NOT true. It is satire, from the Onion. As with many of their pieces, however, it makes an excellent (and sharply barbed) point.

Tortured Ugandan Political Prisoner Wishes Uganda Had Oil
KAMPALA, UGANDA—A day after having his hands amputated by soldiers backing President Yoweri Museveni's brutal regime, Ugandan political prisoner Otobo Ankole expressed regret Monday over Uganda's lack of oil reserves. "I dream of the U.S. one day fighting for the liberation of the oppressed Ugandan people," said Ankole as he nursed his bloody stumps. "But, alas, our number-one natural resource is sugar cane." Ankole, whose wife, parents, and five children were among the 4,000 slaughtered in Uganda's ethnic killings of 2002, then bowed his head and said a prayer for petroleum.