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March 05, 2003
My government is making me sick
I'm an American. I'm not sure I'm always comfortable admitting that these days, but it's a simple fact. I was born in America and have lived here my entire life. In fact, I've only ever been to one other country, and that was to spend a bit of time in Vancouver and Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. A very nice place, I might add.
I've not always been happy with what my government has done, but it's never gone beyond a philosophical difference of opinions before, or just a basic sense of concern - but with a feeling of certainty that things would be set aright.
The first time I recall having any comprehension of the world of politics was during Watergate. I was maybe 8 or 9 at the time, and I knew my parents were upset about what was happening, but I didn't really understand it very well. My Dad tried to explain it to me in ways an 8 or 9 year old could grasp, and I think that he tried, as best he could, to avoid painting me a picture that would turn me against the government in general.
During the Ford and Carter years, I was enamoured with the Presidency. I remember going downtown one time when President Ford was in town and the thrill of seeing his limo go by. I sent a letter to him telling him how much I liked him - in that inimitable "little girl" way - and got a very nice booklet on the White House in return. In Junior High, I even went to Washington DC on a field trip with one of my school classes. We got to see the Capitol, the White House, several of the monuments. At that point I wanted to be able to be the President one day.
Somehow, though, during the Reagan-Bush years, I fell out of love with the government. I don't know what it was that did it - though Iran-Contra, Abscam, and the first Gulf War didn't help any. I started to question what the government was doing, and why, and didn't really like the answers I was coming up with. Of course, the Clinton administration just turned me into a cynic. Between his own actions and the actions of those trying to bring him down, I got to a point where I could no longer believe that politicians even knew what it meant to try and serve the public as opposed to their own interests. I started speaking out a lot more about what I believe in, and trying to educate myself on various issues (though I could still use more of that in a lot of areas - it's an ongoing process).
This administration, though, has taken things to a whole new level. The California energy crisis. Enron. Trying to keep everything secret. "Faith-Based Charities". Lies. All of that before 9/11 - it was irritating and infuriating, but it was something that could be lived with and could be changed once this administration was voted out of office (Bush's re-election is not something I can really allow myself to contemplate, even as I do whatever I can to try and help prevent it).
And then the attacks came. And in the time since then, this country has become a place I barely even recognize any more. USA PATRIOT Act, the looming shadow of Patriot II. TIPS. TIA. Increased scanning at the airport - using our credit histories and bank records to see if we're safe to fly. People who protest the government's policies being visited by the FBI. "You're either with us or against us." Insinuations that those who disagree with the administration are borderline traitors. People being held without charges, unable to speak to their lawyers, indefinately. Refusing to allow the courts to have jurisdiction over certain cases. Claiming Congress has no right to see who is helping shape our energy policy - and then threatening the budget of the office that tried to force the issue in the courts. Filing amicus briefs to encourage judges to deny a parade permit for anti-war protesters. Increased surveillance of citizens. On and on and on.
And the fear. They want us to be afraid all the time. They know that they can't win us over with logic, so they try to scare us into submission. Yellow. Orange. Yellow. Orange. Oops - sorry - bad intel! Be on the lookout for these scary looking men. Heh - uh, sorry folks, just a false alarm. They're going to attack us with scuba divers! They're going to attack apartments! They're going to attack banks! Don't go to the shopping mall - they might get you there! By the way - if you don't continue living your life exactly like you always have, you've let them win. Of course, we're going to have to make a lot of changes in how our country is run to keep you all safe - even if making some of those changes really just ends up giving them what they want.
It's Osama! He's the devil incarnate and we're going to bring him in dead or alive. No, wait! It's Saddam! Yeah, that's who we need to get! See, he's got these planes.... oh, he doesn't? Ok, well, we've got this report that says he's only six months from having nuclear weapons. Um, wait, he was six months away in 1998. Or was it 1991? It doesn't matter, see, he's close! We have to go get him now!! (North Korea? Nah, nothing to see there, move along!) The British gave us this fantastic report on just how bad he is -- what do you mean they didn't write it? Plagiarism? Well. Hmmm. Ok, look, he's got weapons. See, he's destroying them, just like we asked him to! That proves he has more, and that we have to go get him!! (Osama? Yeah, I think he's still around, why do you ask?). Yes, we have to get Saddam. Its the only way to keep us safe from terrorists. Now, going after Saddam may make some people mad, so he may become more likely to launch terror attacks against us (and so might others who think what we're doing is wrong), but even though we'll be more vulnerable, we'll be safer. Just be sure to get your duct tape!
And every day, there's more. There's the shame of watching our President act like the schoolyard bully as he tries to coerce other nations into joining us in this insane quest for war. They owe us, you know, and if that doesn't work we can always try bribes. Spying on UN officials? Sure, why not. We can use that information to try and get them to join us. It doesn't matter how low we stoop in trying to get other countries to go along with us - since the ends apparently justify the means in this case.
And so I've now come to a point where all the twisting and spinning, lying and hiding, fear tactics, bullying, and everything else, are starting to wear me down. Not in terms of my opposition to what the current administration is doing - that never waivers. But in other ways. I've been clinically depressed for as long as I can remember, and have to take medication to keep it under control. But lately, that doesn't seem to be working so well, and I can't remember the last time I felt as emotionally ragged as I have these last few months. Tears come far to easy these days, as does rage. I'm getting headaches regularly, and haven't been able to sleep decently in weeks. And I can't find anything in my life to account for it except everything that's been going on around me.
Being homebound, and cut off from so much of the world, I sometimes think that what happens outside my doors probably shouldn't affect me much - but it does. This isn't a cozy, safe cave for me to hibernate in and let the world pass me by. I just never imagined, though, that there'd be a day when what my government is doing would actually make me ill - and somehow, I don't think this is one of those things that two aspirin and a call in the morning will fix.
Posted by thorswitch at March 5, 2003 03:23 AM
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